What Parents and Students Need to Know about Going to College

Lane Neubauer, Ph.D., Associate Dean of Students for Counseling and Health Services at La Salle University (215-951-5157), says the initial period of a child attending college can be exciting but also stressful students and their parents. Below are some tips (for both) on how to cope with the transition:

For Parents:

• "They need to reassure their student that with time s/he will most likely work through his or her fears and soon will be feeling better. Parents should show the student they have faith in him or her and believe they will be successful. Often students tell their parents they want to drop out. Parents can encourage the student to postpone this decision until after the first semester is completed. Most likely, the student will adjust and feel differently by the end of the semester.”

• "Parents need to figure out ways to manager their own feelings of loss without putting these onto their children. Students sometimes worry that their parents won’t be able to handle their leaving, and this worry makes the move towards independence more difficult for the student.”

• “As for helping students adjust to the social and academic demands of college life, parents can share their own experiences to help normalize these challenges.  Quite often parents don't think their children are listening to them, or that they don't want to listen to them, but students do often take what their parents say about this to heart. Parents can encourage their students to get involved and utilize the resources and support systems the university has to offer.

• "It's also important for parents to realize that it's the process of learning rather than the product of learning that's important. Students who were successful in high school might not do quite as well in college, and this change can sometimes be devastating to students. Parents should look at the effort and investment that the student is putting into their studies, rather than judging success by their grades.  Some students think they're letting their parents down if they don't get good grades, and this fear places more stress on the student.”

For Students:

• “Anticipate emotional ups and downs. It is normal to feel homesickness, anxiety and insecurity woven into the excitement of starting this new chapter in one’s life. Know that although this is a time of excitement, it also is a time of loss. Become familiar with the stages of grief (i.e. denial, depression, anger, and acceptance) in order to facilitate movement through these stages.  Don’t be surprised to feel all these feelings sometimes at the same time.”

• “Don’t assume that everyone has it together but you.  Most students feel anxious and ungrounded when they begin college, but they try to present themselves as confident and together.” 

• “The ‘friends’ you start out connecting with may not be the people you wind up with three months from now.  It takes a while to find the right group of friends. New students tend to connect quickly based on convenience and proximity rather than on true compatibility.  It may take a few months before you find the friends who will be your true friends at college.  Loneliness or feeling disconnected is normal during the first months at college.”

• “Getting organized will challenge you. Students have a difficult time with all the free time at college.  It is very tempting to want to socialize and party during this time and as a result, quickly fall behind. No one will be looking over your shoulder and reminding you what needs to be completed.  Find a good balance between getting things done and also having fun.”

• “Be prepared to be surprised by what you learn about yourself.  These are the years that you will figure out who you are.  Even if you think you know yourself, you are going to be bombarded with new ways of seeing the world, and this will challenge your values, beliefs and perceptions of yourself, your family, and your past.  Out of this process, you will decide what works for your future.”

• “The majority of students do not know what they want to major in or will change their major at least once during their college years.” 

• “Finally, know that no one can get through college without stress. Stress is an integral part of college life.  Students often think college will be like Animal House -- those are the students who don’t graduate!  College takes a great deal of self-discipline, hard work, and focus to achieve success.”